Trying To Keep My Faith (Part 2)

            Honestly for the past year I feel that the amount of pressure from people to get back into church has made me not even want to go. I grew up in the church, my uncle and aunt are pastors so I know for me it’s very essential to go to church. I personally just hate being pressured into doing things I am not currently ready to do. The moment you pressure me the longer it will take me to do something or I just won’t do it at all.

            I have friends who are very religious and sometimes I want to smack them just because they always seem to try and push their ideas on me. Give me time and let me figure out how I’m going to get back in touch with God, if I even want to do that. Until my relationship with God is good I don’t think my future friendships\relationships will get better. I can’t see myself with have proper friendships\relationships if spiritually I am not good. My spiritual journey is literally MY spiritual journey and until I feel like I am back on the right path then things will have to take a backseat. It’s not that I don’t want to go to church and hear the word, I can hear that anywhere, but every time I go back to my home church I see my sisters casket in the front of the church. I just want to break down and cry sometimes. I made it to my home church for the 2^nd week and I want to continue. I have to get past it and get better.

            People don’t understand how things are damaging. When you don’t have the right people supporting you but instead pressuring you then things will never get better. Everyone’s life journey is different and I am just trying to keep my faith while trying to understand the reason behind why things happen.