Being Black in Corporate America

After graduating college I’ve had a couple jobs as both a contractor and a permanent employ, which turned out to be great experiences. I learned a lot from the environments I have been in and I know that it’s harder being Black in Corporate America. From experience you’re already at a disadvantage because of your skin color. They assume you really don’t know anything and they put you in a bucket of assumptions they created about black people. This bucket is just filled with society’s fears, feelings and thoughts about our community. So they throw the bucket on the table and start attaching these things immediately to you.

When you are educated it strikes fear in Corporate America because it lets them know that you really won’t take shit. I have been in a bunch of situations where I know more then the people I worked with but had to work twice as hard to get my point across. They may not go with my point but I never back down in letting them know why my point is more relevant then someone else’s. I stay professional as possible because the moment you break is the moment that they attach something from the bucket to you. The moment they label you as the angry black employee. 

The moment that you show that your a different breed of person is the moment that people feel scared. The moment that someone can’t have power over you because you have proven yourself and continue to prove yourself. I told one of my co-workers at my previous job that I had to work twice as hard as him to get where I needed to be. He told me it doesn’t make sense because they have rules against that. Yes some places have diversity programs but sometimes that is just a smokescreen to make it feel like they are handling the issue. It’s not obvious when it’s being done so rules may not apply to certain situations. 

Any time I get into a corporate environment I learn human resource policies and who exactly to talk to when situations arise. Personally I feel it’s good to know your environment and the laws of the land. This will prevent any situation getting out of hand. Corporate America is literally a cutthroat place for people of color in general because if you don’t fit a certain mold you can’t advance where you need to be. You may have 3 times the skills of someone else of non-color but that one mess up you did 2 years ago will hold you back from being great, over the 5 mess ups this person recently had.

What keeps me motivated is to keep pushing to be better then everyone around me. As long as you are killing them with a smile and kind words they will never have anything to say against you. Be as professional as possible and your time will come. Everything falls into place at the right time and people will acknowledge your greatness as soon as you save them from drowning. 

"Diversity is about all of us, and about us having to figure out how to walk through this world together" - Jacqueline Woodson

Dating Different

So let’s talk about it for a bit. This month I’ve been focusing on all around dating and one of my friends asked me about dating different (not in those words but yeah). Dating someone outside your race, different religion, different views, just someone who you click with but has that thing that makes you question if it will work. 

One of the big issues I’ve noticed when dating is dating someone that has a different religion than you. I’ve done it and it really wasn’t that bad but you have to think about the long term. Will your parents like them? What type of wedding would you guys have? How will you raise your children? It’s a lot to factor into it and if you can’t get past this part then you are both wasting each others time. I have seen relationships work when both individuals have 2 different religions but it’s really up to the couple to make it work. I am Christian and dated a Muslim girl before. This was in my younger years when I thought things like this really didn’t matter. Once her parents found out I wasn’t Muslim they told her she wasn’t allowed to see me anymore. Her parents are traditional Muslim and told her she needs to date another Muslim man. She was forbidden to ever make contact with me again but it was okay. I learned a crucial lesson that day that if you want it to work you will make it work no matter what.

Another thing is dating someone that is outside your race aka interracial dating. You will get looked at so bad if you date outside your race but I think you can’t really help who you have a connection with. Its part of life, especially if you look past skin color and appreciate the person for being them. You just sound ignorant when you hate someone who dates someone of a different race. We all find love in different places and we are all just living our own lives. It’s not your job to police who people are dating. It’s not your life to live so just let them be great.

Dating different doesn’t just apply to race and religion, it also applies to education, political views, personality etc. Dating the same is dating someone that is the standard for society. What society thinks you should be dating not what you want to date. Life can’t really be lived if you are conforming to what society wants and not what you want. Sometimes when you are actually living life the unexpected always happens and it will have you saying,” Dam, this is really working out great.” Not everyone wants a different view of life but whatever makes you happy you should stick with it.

“There will always be people with different views from yours. Learn to respect their right to a different view”

Date Ideas for the Connected Generation

  I can’t believe I am saying this but our generation sucks really bad for not being able to come up with date ideas. Being that we are so connected to everything it should take us literally 2.5 seconds to find anything “new” that we want to try in a 50 mile radius. I think if you accept movie and a dinner for the first 2 dates that is pretty lame. Not saying it’s a bad thing just saying going on a date with someone should be a new experience. You should want to experience something with that person and actually get to know them. Not get to know them for a couple of minutes but through the different adventures you take with them.

I am a very traditional type of person as far as a man taking a woman out on a date. Yes this should happen the first couple times just to be a gentleman. Show her you actually know how to plan something so she can at least think you’re not a regular type of person. Planning a date is really not that difficult especially if you spent a number of hours with them on the phone getting to know them. No one said you had to go on a $200 date to impress someone but you can definitely go on a date that isn’t breaking your pockets. For instance if the person likes to read you can go on a couple Barnes & Noble dates. Pick a book you both can read, spend a couple hours reading it and discuss it. If your person is into fashion go to the mall and play a fashion game. You both create an outfit for both a guy, girl and a baby. Each round will take 15 minutes. Take pictures of the different pieces, write down the cost and where you got it from. Then meet back up, discuss the different pieces and why yours would look better. The person with the lower cost item that looks the best wins. If your person likes to paint or be crafty go to AC Moore buy some supplies and head to the park. You can always have a park date with just painting and crafting.

Date ideas come from actually having discussions with the person and trying to have them experience new things. The purpose of going on a date is to get to know the person in different settings and that really isn’t that difficult. Netflix & chill has been turned into sex & more sex but it really can turn into a really dope movie date. You can play movie bingo or you both can create 10 questions for the other person to ask them at the end of the movie. For the connected generation it seems that coming up with date ideas seem pretty hard. It’s just that we fail to look outside what’s considered the norm.

Taking someone out on a date doesn’t have to just be a one way street, both a male and female can do it. The first couple times, personally it should be a man. A woman can provide plans later on but that’s after you guys get comfortable with each other. Your goal as a man is to court her so you have the opportunity to take her out on multiple dates and not just one. If you are not able to court her and get her interested in you then date ideas really don’t apply to you unless you have someone to use them on. Another thing if he doesn’t know how to plan a date (outside of dinner and a movie) he isn’t for you. For the connected the generation we have all the options that we need in the palm of our hands, we just need to use them. We have to think outside the box and be as creative as possible.

“Creativity is seeing what everyone else has seen, and thinking what no one else has thought.”

Some Date Ideas

BYOB Cooking or painting Class

Pottery making or painting class

Poetry cafe

Go Karts

Laser Tag

Drive In Movie

Paintball

Gun Range

Dinner Boat Ride

Stage Play

Wine Tasting

Museum

Zoo

Bike Ride

Arcade

Site Seeing

Bowling

Pool

Dating in 2015

  Dating in 2015 has to be the most difficult thing for our generation which is connected to everything, to do. Actually think about it, we are a connected generation. We have all the information we need in the palm of our hands but fail at the simplest things like consistent communication. Think about this, 20 years ago Amazon.com went live, DVDs was the newest way to watch videos and pagers are the things people used to communicate.

  Dating in 1995, from what I was told, didn’t have all the distractions we have now. Instagram, snapchat, facebook and twitter are tools we use to socialize with people all over the world but we fail to socialize with the people directly in front of us. Yeah I am pretty sure movies and dinner back then was a great experience but now it’s a waste time especially for a connected generation like ours.

Think about it this way

Movie = 1 hour 30 minute + (barely talking)

Dinner = 45 minutes + (kind of talking)

   During a movie you are barely talking, maybe a certain scene comes on and you’re like “oh that’s crazy” but that’s about it. You either snapchat or instagram that you went to the movie and responding to your comments. After the movie you grab dinner (just because getting food before a movie you might catch the itis) and you’re probably sitting there for at least 20 minutes talking about how the movie was. In between that talking about what you want to eat, now you wasted about 25 minutes. You spend maybe 15 minutes getting to know each other between eating your food, updating your status and taking pics of where you are at. Some people don’t talk while eating so you might not get that. Once you’re done you both are out of the door and texting each other. You didn’t really get to experience the person you went out with.

    The issue with dating in 2015 is that we literally have too many options. Too many options in the form of dating sites and social media sites. We are able to see all these people and we don’t know who to choose from. We want everything because it “looks” better than that other option. Not thinking that, what may look better isn’t always better. We don’t take the time to actually experience someone and see if they are the right fit for us.

Dating a person in 2015 I’ve noticed we are a generation that wants something, not sure what we want but when we finally get it we don’t really want it anymore. We just want to post a pic saying “relationship goals” or that moment to feel loved and don’t want it anymore. After a certain age you have to date to actually be with someone the rest of your life and not just for a one night fling. Yes be extremely picky with who you date but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give people a chance.  My advice would be to date someone that can think outside of the box that is willing to treat you how you are supposed to be treated. This applies to both male and female, sometimes males are used just like females are but date someone that actually wants the same thing as you. After a certain age you should be dating someone that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. Not just someone for the moment until you move on to your next but literally your last.

"If you have no intention of marrying the person you're with now, then you're wasting your time"