Before You Ask . . .

Honestly before you ask me if I am okay you should think about these couple things. I grew up with my sister and saw her everyday. We graduated high school together (Class of 2006) and she made high school tolerable for me. I honestly didn’t like 71.4% of the people I went to school with. I was extremely odd and weird but that is what makes me different. Yes we still lived at home with our parents because in some cultures they don’t kick you out until you find your place and get married. I would wake up in the morning (5 AM), piss her off by waking her up and say good morning. Throughout the day we would text random ass videos to each other, laugh and talk shit about each other. She had me create 2 Spotify playlists for her and keep them up to date, since we pretty much liked the same type of music. I paid for my Spotify but she had the free one and just subscribed to my playlist. She was included in my positive Monday morning texts, which she sent to some of her friends. She encouraged me to continue writing my blog because she felt it was real and gave people a relatable person. 

Now think about this, I can no longer see my sister everyday. Our 10 year high school reunion is coming up and do you think I want to go without her? Every morning I wake up and I pass an empty lifeless room. I randomly wait for a text from her but nothing comes in. I no longer listen to 2 of the 3 Spotify playlists I have. I haven’t sent a positive Monday morning text in weeks because I haven’t been positive. I still write my blog as it is easier for me to write my thoughts then speak them. Yes everyday I cry for my sister, while I’m at work, when I’m in the car, when I’m home and wherever I go. People say it will get better but when something unexpected happens to your sibling what gets better about it? When you have someone that’s an intricate part of your life no longer involved in it, life isn’t the same. At the moment I am fine but the next moment I could slip into a memory of her or something may trigger a thought about her and I will just be emotional. People ask me if they could do anything for me and my response will always be, “Can you bring my sister back?” If not, then please don’t ask the question.

Before you ask me if I am okay, I know it’s the nice thing to do but I will never be okay. Life has unexpectedly changed for me and I will try my best to keep moving forward. 

“Life is a series of unexplained events, unplanned laughter, unexpected tears, occasional sorrows and overwhelming joy.” – Susan Gale