Love Yourself (Part 2)

It is so important to love yourself before jumping into a relationship. Sometimes your past relationship teaches you about things you should and shouldn’t do in your future relationships. I’ve always been a creature of habit and investing 100% into someone. The reason for this is that I don’t want someone to doubt how I feel about them. Not saying it’s a bad thing but a lot of people can’t deal with it. They go from one toxic relationship to a very healthy one and it’s like a dream for them.  I’m a 90’s R&B love kind of guy and always treat the person as they should be treated.                                                                                                                   

    The question you should ask someone is ,”are you really ready for a relationship?” The only reason why is because people love the idea of a relationship but don’t really want one. They haven’t healed from the damage or the hurt from the past before trying to jump into something new. Some people don’t like to be alone and this is why they get into it with people. 

    I was in a situationship with someone who I thought really wanted to be with me. She was completely mental after I really thought about all the things I did for her. Went 6 months with us doing couple like things and the moment I asked her to be my girlfriend she said ,” you asked me the wrong way.” Being that I don’t like asking things twice I didn’t ask again because it was just weird. She then kept asking me to ask her again, I replied ,”I don’t feel like you want to be in a relationship with me.” She said she did but her actions led me to believe different. A couple months later that came to be true. She just wanted someone to be around when she wasn’t at work. Yes, it was wasted time but I learned so much about what to do and what not to do when talking with someone. It reminded me to trust the process and know that everyone is not for you. To string someone along because you aren’t sure is never right.  If you can’t properly love yourself you shouldn’t even try to entertain someone.

Let's Build

    You ever get into something with someone and hope that you could actually build something with them and it actually turns into nothing special? Like you are the one building them up and it’s not reciprocated at all. When you are supposed to be a “team” and build together but it’s not working out the way you wanted. You realize you are dealing with a person with no vision/goals for the future and they just want to stay stagnant. In the beginning they had all these ambitions but as they proceeded to get comfortable with you they just want you to just be happy with who they are. That’s great and all but the world doesn’t stand still for stagnant people. 
     We’ve all been at that stage in our lives when we just want to build with someone and leave the tomfoolery behind us. Sometimes it is just hard finding someone of quality that is on the same level as us though. We think we are getting closer but they do something to mess it up and so we move on. Whenever you decide you finally want to get into something you both should have the intention of building something great. If you’ve talked about it in the beginning then you should know where you both stand. Greatness is built over time but if you both have an understanding then you will start laying the ground work. The worst thing is to deal with someone you have to build up, while trying to build yourself up. The world doesn’t work that way. Before getting into a relationship or doing anything with someone make sure you are good and you are ready to build.
     I always find myself in awkward situations with women who realize that I have a plan for my personal growth every year. I never want to remain the same person I was the year before and I continually grow. We can grow together but you have to know what you want from life and move forward. Not everything in life can be planned but your personal growth and the direction you want your life to go in should be. You always want to continue building by yourself but life is really enjoyable when you can actually build with someone just as dope as you. Let’s build and become something better.

#HeyBestFriend

So your best friend is supposed to be someone you can rely on no matter what, they are your extended family. That person is literally another you but in a different form. You have your ups and downs but you come back and know this person has your back no matter what. When you aren’t thinking straight this person puts you right back on track. Sometimes they are the voice of reason for you or you both are petty together. This person, no matter what is going on, is your ride or die till the end.
 

Not everyone can be a best friend honestly and we all have different types. I have different flavors of best friends that play their roles perfectly. Being that I am a guy most times we don’t refer to other guys as our best friends but more like “our boys” or “we just know what it is” type of thing. That's my boy and that's kind of it or we will say best friend. As men we are weird sometimes but let’s proceed. The flavor of friends I have range from analytical, calm, cautious, fuck it, regular petty, really petty and turn up. My friends always are supportive with the decisions I make and will go with them. It’s always good not to have too many of the same flavor type of friends because this may go wrong sometimes. You need to find a balance. I have that one friend who is really petty with a mix of turn up and fuck it but then I have another one who is a mix of regular petty, analytical and calm. Most of my friends are really petty and not regular petty. So anything that’s overboard I go to my regular petty best friend for like a 2^nd verification on what my really petty friends would say. That’s only if I am not feeling really petty at the time but yeah I am always really petty. You need a balance on all things so you know not to be too crazy. 

The moment you know someone isn’t your best friend is when they stab you in the back. They are toxic to your health and always provide you with bad advice. They do things that fuck up your shit. We have all had those “oh we use to be friends” type of people in our lives. We’ve removed them because their value dropped and they brought nothing good to the table. The moment that someone brings bad vibes, discourages you or trips you into the wall they can’t be your friend anymore. A best friend title is a privilege and not something you just give to anyone. If these people don’t bring value, encourage your growth and uplift your life then they really shouldn’t be your best friend.

Love Yourself

I’ve received a lot of private messages regarding my topic Picture Not So Perfect (Part 2) and it prompted me to write this new topic. I think if you don’t set some priorities in your life then things can’t stay on track like you want them too. We are too busy doing for others but sometimes are you doing for yourself? My priorities have always been God (we aren’t on speaking terms at the moment), family, friends, girlfriend and others. The top 3 should always be priorities especially if you have a connection with God, you are close with your family and you have those loyal friends that are family. I love me way too much to let anyone break my momentum and keep me from being great.

At one point I found myself providing love to other people and not making sure that I even loved myself. I’ve lost people in my life because the love I provided them to stay afloat wasn’t the same love I was getting back in my time of need. It was all take and take and take, never “Hey Kevin I know you need a moment but take some of this love you provided me.” I was spiraling into a sink hole just not in love with the person I am. I am a sucker for caring too much and making sure everyone around me is good. It hit me that I wasn’t being appreciated for what I was still doing even though I was in a bad space. I had to remove myself from those situations. The worst thing about not loving yourself is that some people carry that with them into new friendships, relationships and life situations. 

Before adding things into your life make sure YOU are good. No matter what you are adding into your life it may feel good at first but if you haven’t put yourself in a positive space then you are constantly carrying that baggage around with you. You will constantly open that luggage and bring it into your current situation, when it has nothing to do with right now. You want to be at a point in your life where you aren’t carrying anything extra besides the love for yourself and your positive energy. If you are still holding on to things either let it go or don’t carry them into something new. Stop yourself from dragging the next person or group of people down because you don’t know how to let go and just heal.

Be selfish with you. Be selfish with your time. Be selfish with your love. You have to love yourself before you can begin to love another. You are the most important person in your life and you have to make sure you’re okay before allowing others into your space.

Picture Not So Perfect (Part 2)

Everyone has a story and every picture has a different meaning. I find myself trying to make sense of the past couple months and continue to heal. The people who said they would be around when I need them are no longer around. The friends who have gone out of their way to make sure I am good, show me that being selective with friendships is very crucial. Looking at a picture and assuming that everything is okay is never good. 

Some days I find myself just lost in thought questioning how life could get this far. How could it fall apart, slowly get back together and then try to fall apart again. When life decides to hit you hard it really hits you below the belt. It wants you to feel all the pain so you have trouble getting back up. Back at end of May – beginning June of this year my dad was diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma (brain tumor) and it was a large one from the scans. My dad is the type of person he doesn’t want people to worry about him he will handle it, I am the same way. He just woke up one day told my brother to drop him to the hospital and was scheduled for surgery the next day. He went about it like it was normal, all while telling me about his health insurance information and how he would like his funeral to be set up. I mean my dad has always done this but this time it was real and scary. My mom, already emotionally unstable, is just trying to figure out what is life. She can’t deal with another heartbreak. Mentally my mom is not doing good and with this news it makes everything worse. 

Fast forward to now, my dad has survived the surgery and they supposedly got rid of the tumor. He is doing chemo and radiation but after the most recent scan it looks like it is coming back. So new experimental treatment is underway. My dad is treating everything like it is regular. Even though he gets tired, he still tries to do everything he has always done. My mom on the other hand is a completely broken person. No amount of comfort can bring her out of the bad place she is in. Any conversation that is brought up will include my older sister in it, even if my sister was never involved in the situation that you are talking about with her. January is quickly approaching and an entire year has almost passed. Her birthday was rough but the realization that she is gone might be harder. Just trying to make sure my brother doesn’t have to bare any of the burden of having to be the parents for my parents. That’s technically what I am doing so he can continue to enjoy college life. 

People always say, “Wow Kevin you are doing great for yourself” when in all honestly I am just trying to make sure my family is good. I don’t do this for me, it’s more so for them. When they decide to shut down again, I have to stay on and make sure they are good. When you assume the picture you see is perfect, just know it isn’t. I’ve lost a lot to maintain this positive energy and keep my family going. Life is what you make it.

Waiting

Waiting is something we commonly do for things that we want but is all waiting good? It depends on how you view it and what situations present themselves. Why are you waiting? Do you really have to wait? Will it benefit you if you wait? Apply this thought process to when you are dating someone. We all have waited for something to happen or waited for someone. You just have to remind yourself, “Is this person worth waiting for” or “Is my time being wasted.”

I always find myself in weird situations or I know of someone in an odd situation. I have waited for people in relationships to get better, change their habits or for them to be ready to actually date me. All in all people say waiting for any of these situations is just stupid. I personally think you learn more about what type of person you are by waiting. Waiting for someone to be ready to date you, even though they have all the BS in the world going on and you wait. You wait for them to put you on the roster and show them what they are missing. Yes you could have dated someone else but something about this person keeps you interested and intrigued. So you continue to wait. The moment you are in a relationship and notice that someone has a really bad habit you don’t like but you say, “oh they will grow out of it” and they don’t. So now you are stuck. The habit doesn’t bother you as much but it’s either an extremely annoying or bad habit. The one girl I dated smoked weed like every day but didn’t have money for anything else. Spent all of her money on weed. Initially when we started talking she didn’t smoke that much but once she got comfortable it turned into an everyday type of thing. I waited for her to change her habit but of course that didn’t do anything. Another person I dated was literally the parent to her parents which was very saddening (both parents had some type of cancer). I didn’t date her for that long because she didn’t want me to wait for her to get her situation together. She stopped me before I could fully invest in us growing together and I appreciated that. 

People say waiting for someone is one of the joys of life. Sometimes people may be at their lowest or have a plan in the works that you know nothing about. Is all waiting good though? I have a couple of friends who are in relationships and they’ve been in them for at least 6+ years. Some people are saying they should have been married already. What’s the rush? The best things come to those who wait. Yes they’ve established the conversations about marriage but the moment you rush somebody into something is the moment they take a step back. Feeling forced to do something is something you never want. 

Certain situations in life put you in a bad place and you don’t intentionally try to make people wait but it happens. I think the worst thing I’ve heard was, “I can’t wait for you to get better.” That is someone who has reached the limit and just wants to move on with life without you. It doesn’t matter the situation but for someone to say, “I can’t wait” and you try to understand why, it’s already too late. Things won’t be the same and it’s time to let go. All in all waiting is what you make it. Is the person worth the wait? Is the person just wasting your time? You are the only one that can answer this question.