The Ugly Friend (Part 2)

I touched on this topic almost 4 years ago (Part 1) and it has to deal with personality not beauty. I feel that your outer beauty is one piece of the puzzle that defines who you are. Another piece being your personality that you give off to those people around you. I always have an open ear for my friends and whatever we talk about stays between us. Being that I am a guy I have a lot of female friends and they always love to talk. I feel like I am in a reality show sometimes but I am the one who observes, gives support and then gives advice later. Not saying I don’t have male friends but we tend to not go into detail about a lot of things. When we do we really just cut the person off and move on with life. As a guy, do we have that ugly friend? Yes we do.

One of my peoples (lets call him Chris) was dealing with a chick for a little bit (lets call her Karrueche) and they where kicking it very well. A couple months passed and it seems they where getting serious. He finally introduced her to the guys and come to find out she slept with one Chris’s friends before (lets call him Drake). Instead of her coming forward with it she kept it to herself. Even though they weren’t girlfriend/boyfriend I feel like it’s just the principal of the matter.  Say something now because if you say it later it may be worse. Come to find out she was still messing with Drake even though her and Chris where exclusive. So now she is messing with both dudes. One guy looking for an actual relationship and the other that just wants someone around for fun. Long story short Chris found out the hard way. If this isn’t the ugliest situation in life, I don’t know what is. What makes Drake the ugly friend is that him and Chris are boys. They’ve known each other for a long time. Your moral compass should have said something when you where first introduced. He still wanted to be friends afterwards, which is the crazy thing.

What makes someone an ugly person to me, especially an ugly friend is that they aren’t straightforward with you. They preach about not being stabbed in the back but they are the one holding the knife. An ugly friend is someone who doesn’t bite there tongue but tells you what exactly is going on. In a situation like this I feel that if we are “boys” just tell me now, don’t wait until I am all in my feelings and I find out from a fourth party. This makes no sense to me, as guys sometimes we can go back to being friends but for me that’s only if you tell me from the beginning. We do show our guy friends pictures of potential females, just so we make sure no one knows them. This is a little confirmation that we can continue our advancement on her but still if you saw her picture say something. If you are going to have an ugly friend that acts up like that, then are they really your friend?

“As people grow up they realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have real ones”

I Like You but I Don’t

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Have you ever been in a situation where you are talking to someone or making new friends and you like them but you don’t? Everything they are doing is great but something inside you really doesn’t like them. Not saying you don’t like them but saying that you like them. It’s confusing honestly. I was in a situation with this chick a couple months ago. I genuinely liked her but I felt weird about it. When I feel weird about anything or think something is up I stop whatever I am doing and analyze the situation. Reviewing a situation helps you gather more information and helps you to make an informed decision. After further review of the play I told her “I like you but I don’t so we should just be associates.” The bad thing is I couldn’t even see myself being her friend; I really felt it was pointless. I said, “We should be associates.” Why entertain friendship with someone you are not sure about?

I like all my friends, that’s why I consider them my friends. When you have an in between feeling about someone then you should just let them go. It’s either you give 100% or you give nothing at all, no in between.  Was it mean what I said? Maybe but at least I wasn’t wasting her time. All we do in this day and age is waste peoples time that we can’t give back. I apologized for wasting her time but when I am asking myself to many questions about a person then it can’t work out on any level. This applies to a lot of things though. You can like something but you really don’t. Maybe you like the company or like how something makes you feel but do you really like it?

Maybe it’s because I over think situations that they turn out the way they do but its better to be safe then sorry. You can always tell someone you like them but will anything ever come out of it? It’s always good to get your feelings out and let them be known but your feelings will never give you a clear definition of what they mean. I like you but I don’t. I like you as a person but I don’t like the random tendencies you have. I like you and your randomness but I don’t like your personality. Sometimes you just have to be you and go with how you feel. You are the only one that knows what you like and don’t like.

“Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you”

No Take Backs

I feel like when people mess up they always want a do over or to take back what they said like it never happened. People never realize that the damage is already done and nothing else can be said or done to fix it. Like if you tell someone you no longer want to be friends with them and then weeks later you say, “I was just playing though, let’s be friends” just because you miss them. People always tend to regret when they make a mistake or a rash decision. You have to remind yourself that once something is said or done the effects can be extremely damaging. The effects can be good as well, if you are the type of person that doesn’t care about the repercussions.

One of my friends was in a situation where her best friend slandered her behind her back, to a random stranger. Like I get that you need to vent sometimes, but why to someone you don’t know? Then she tried to be buddy buddy with her in person. Come to find out the person she was venting to, was a friend of her so called “best friend” and told her what was up. When she was confronted about it, she acted like it didn’t happen. Once things are said you can’t take them back. My advice is to never say things to people you really don’t know. People are all about gossip and drama. Can’t trust everyone in this world.

Another situation I’ve witnessed is when someone asks you out, girlfriend/boyfriend, don’t you assume they are ready for the responsibilities that come with the situation? I feel like that’s a huge commitment you are getting into and you should know once that happens, anything you say or do will be used in a court of law. I know people who get into relationships with the coolest people just to say,”nah I don’t think I am ready for a relationship but we can still be friends though.” Then a couple weeks later regret it and try to come back. No take backs people. Once things are said the WHOLE situation between you and them changes. You can’t say something now, let it settle in and then take it back because you were confused or it was a mistake. What’s done is done. Just saying sorry will not fix the issue or make it go back to how it use to be. I really dislike people when they think just by saying sorry will fix any situation. In this generation we break up with people in the worst ways and don’t realize we can’t take what we did back. It’s out there, too late to recall a message sent. It’s up to us to enforce this “no take back” policy. If you accept the fact that people have come back after doing something harmful to you, they will continue doing it. Nothing is ever okay and you should make them aware of that.

Words and actions can hurt. It’s what we say or do that determines how we will move forward. You are living your life in pen and can’t erase any of the mistakes you have made. 

"Words are like bullets. Once they are out, you can't control the damage they do."