Picture Not So Perfect (Part 2)

Everyone has a story and every picture has a different meaning. I find myself trying to make sense of the past couple months and continue to heal. The people who said they would be around when I need them are no longer around. The friends who have gone out of their way to make sure I am good, show me that being selective with friendships is very crucial. Looking at a picture and assuming that everything is okay is never good. 

Some days I find myself just lost in thought questioning how life could get this far. How could it fall apart, slowly get back together and then try to fall apart again. When life decides to hit you hard it really hits you below the belt. It wants you to feel all the pain so you have trouble getting back up. Back at end of May – beginning June of this year my dad was diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma (brain tumor) and it was a large one from the scans. My dad is the type of person he doesn’t want people to worry about him he will handle it, I am the same way. He just woke up one day told my brother to drop him to the hospital and was scheduled for surgery the next day. He went about it like it was normal, all while telling me about his health insurance information and how he would like his funeral to be set up. I mean my dad has always done this but this time it was real and scary. My mom, already emotionally unstable, is just trying to figure out what is life. She can’t deal with another heartbreak. Mentally my mom is not doing good and with this news it makes everything worse. 

Fast forward to now, my dad has survived the surgery and they supposedly got rid of the tumor. He is doing chemo and radiation but after the most recent scan it looks like it is coming back. So new experimental treatment is underway. My dad is treating everything like it is regular. Even though he gets tired, he still tries to do everything he has always done. My mom on the other hand is a completely broken person. No amount of comfort can bring her out of the bad place she is in. Any conversation that is brought up will include my older sister in it, even if my sister was never involved in the situation that you are talking about with her. January is quickly approaching and an entire year has almost passed. Her birthday was rough but the realization that she is gone might be harder. Just trying to make sure my brother doesn’t have to bare any of the burden of having to be the parents for my parents. That’s technically what I am doing so he can continue to enjoy college life. 

People always say, “Wow Kevin you are doing great for yourself” when in all honestly I am just trying to make sure my family is good. I don’t do this for me, it’s more so for them. When they decide to shut down again, I have to stay on and make sure they are good. When you assume the picture you see is perfect, just know it isn’t. I’ve lost a lot to maintain this positive energy and keep my family going. Life is what you make it.