Suicidal Thoughts

I understand when something traumatic and unexpected happens in your life people assume the worst. For the past 3 months I feel like people assumed I would do the worse to myself just because. Yes I may be in a negative space for awhile but that would never force me to do something drastic. Hurting myself would never lead to anything positive and I’ve always been a positive person. With all the pain in the world why would I take the easy way out and quit?

People would constantly say, “I hope you don’t hurt yourself” or “The world still needs you so don’t do anything crazy.” That got me thinking, “What crazy thing would I really do to myself?” I think it was the people constantly telling me this that had me at a moment of weakness. I sat down and thought really hard about it. It made no sense to me that they would say something like this to me. Maybe because I’ve always been a strong minded person that never breaks or was it that as of late I haven’t been that positive with people. Just because I am broken doesn’t mean I would do something that is out of my character. It might be the pressure of people telling me not to do it, that it instilled the random thought of me thinking about doing it. People forcing me to think about it instead of people just telling me to continue being positive. When you hear something so much you start to second guess the type of person you are. I honestly had to revisit some poems and put my self back in check. 

Test of a Man (click here)

The Test of a man is the fight that he makes,

The grit that he daily shows,

The way he stands upon his feet,

And takes life’s numerous bumps and blows . . . .

I felt as this was a test to bring me back to the person who I was before everything. Sometimes I have my moments when I just need alone time but it’s all about recovering. I have never been the person to end my life or cause any harm to myself. I am normally the one talking people out of doing harmful things to themselves. I will never be a person that quits on myself or on the world just because something has happened. I love my friends, family and my life way too much to consider putting them through any pain. Darkness can only live here but so long before light finds its way in and guides you towards better things.

Don’t Quit (click here)

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to weep but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don't you quit. . . . .