#HeyBestFriend

So your best friend is supposed to be someone you can rely on no matter what, they are your extended family. That person is literally another you but in a different form. You have your ups and downs but you come back and know this person has your back no matter what. When you aren’t thinking straight this person puts you right back on track. Sometimes they are the voice of reason for you or you both are petty together. This person, no matter what is going on, is your ride or die till the end.
 

Not everyone can be a best friend honestly and we all have different types. I have different flavors of best friends that play their roles perfectly. Being that I am a guy most times we don’t refer to other guys as our best friends but more like “our boys” or “we just know what it is” type of thing. That's my boy and that's kind of it or we will say best friend. As men we are weird sometimes but let’s proceed. The flavor of friends I have range from analytical, calm, cautious, fuck it, regular petty, really petty and turn up. My friends always are supportive with the decisions I make and will go with them. It’s always good not to have too many of the same flavor type of friends because this may go wrong sometimes. You need to find a balance. I have that one friend who is really petty with a mix of turn up and fuck it but then I have another one who is a mix of regular petty, analytical and calm. Most of my friends are really petty and not regular petty. So anything that’s overboard I go to my regular petty best friend for like a 2^nd verification on what my really petty friends would say. That’s only if I am not feeling really petty at the time but yeah I am always really petty. You need a balance on all things so you know not to be too crazy. 

The moment you know someone isn’t your best friend is when they stab you in the back. They are toxic to your health and always provide you with bad advice. They do things that fuck up your shit. We have all had those “oh we use to be friends” type of people in our lives. We’ve removed them because their value dropped and they brought nothing good to the table. The moment that someone brings bad vibes, discourages you or trips you into the wall they can’t be your friend anymore. A best friend title is a privilege and not something you just give to anyone. If these people don’t bring value, encourage your growth and uplift your life then they really shouldn’t be your best friend.

Love Yourself

I’ve received a lot of private messages regarding my topic Picture Not So Perfect (Part 2) and it prompted me to write this new topic. I think if you don’t set some priorities in your life then things can’t stay on track like you want them too. We are too busy doing for others but sometimes are you doing for yourself? My priorities have always been God (we aren’t on speaking terms at the moment), family, friends, girlfriend and others. The top 3 should always be priorities especially if you have a connection with God, you are close with your family and you have those loyal friends that are family. I love me way too much to let anyone break my momentum and keep me from being great.

At one point I found myself providing love to other people and not making sure that I even loved myself. I’ve lost people in my life because the love I provided them to stay afloat wasn’t the same love I was getting back in my time of need. It was all take and take and take, never “Hey Kevin I know you need a moment but take some of this love you provided me.” I was spiraling into a sink hole just not in love with the person I am. I am a sucker for caring too much and making sure everyone around me is good. It hit me that I wasn’t being appreciated for what I was still doing even though I was in a bad space. I had to remove myself from those situations. The worst thing about not loving yourself is that some people carry that with them into new friendships, relationships and life situations. 

Before adding things into your life make sure YOU are good. No matter what you are adding into your life it may feel good at first but if you haven’t put yourself in a positive space then you are constantly carrying that baggage around with you. You will constantly open that luggage and bring it into your current situation, when it has nothing to do with right now. You want to be at a point in your life where you aren’t carrying anything extra besides the love for yourself and your positive energy. If you are still holding on to things either let it go or don’t carry them into something new. Stop yourself from dragging the next person or group of people down because you don’t know how to let go and just heal.

Be selfish with you. Be selfish with your time. Be selfish with your love. You have to love yourself before you can begin to love another. You are the most important person in your life and you have to make sure you’re okay before allowing others into your space.

Picture Not So Perfect (Part 2)

Everyone has a story and every picture has a different meaning. I find myself trying to make sense of the past couple months and continue to heal. The people who said they would be around when I need them are no longer around. The friends who have gone out of their way to make sure I am good, show me that being selective with friendships is very crucial. Looking at a picture and assuming that everything is okay is never good. 

Some days I find myself just lost in thought questioning how life could get this far. How could it fall apart, slowly get back together and then try to fall apart again. When life decides to hit you hard it really hits you below the belt. It wants you to feel all the pain so you have trouble getting back up. Back at end of May – beginning June of this year my dad was diagnosed with a stage 4 glioblastoma (brain tumor) and it was a large one from the scans. My dad is the type of person he doesn’t want people to worry about him he will handle it, I am the same way. He just woke up one day told my brother to drop him to the hospital and was scheduled for surgery the next day. He went about it like it was normal, all while telling me about his health insurance information and how he would like his funeral to be set up. I mean my dad has always done this but this time it was real and scary. My mom, already emotionally unstable, is just trying to figure out what is life. She can’t deal with another heartbreak. Mentally my mom is not doing good and with this news it makes everything worse. 

Fast forward to now, my dad has survived the surgery and they supposedly got rid of the tumor. He is doing chemo and radiation but after the most recent scan it looks like it is coming back. So new experimental treatment is underway. My dad is treating everything like it is regular. Even though he gets tired, he still tries to do everything he has always done. My mom on the other hand is a completely broken person. No amount of comfort can bring her out of the bad place she is in. Any conversation that is brought up will include my older sister in it, even if my sister was never involved in the situation that you are talking about with her. January is quickly approaching and an entire year has almost passed. Her birthday was rough but the realization that she is gone might be harder. Just trying to make sure my brother doesn’t have to bare any of the burden of having to be the parents for my parents. That’s technically what I am doing so he can continue to enjoy college life. 

People always say, “Wow Kevin you are doing great for yourself” when in all honestly I am just trying to make sure my family is good. I don’t do this for me, it’s more so for them. When they decide to shut down again, I have to stay on and make sure they are good. When you assume the picture you see is perfect, just know it isn’t. I’ve lost a lot to maintain this positive energy and keep my family going. Life is what you make it.