Routine

Routine is defined as a customary or regular course of procedure or in simple terms a regular procedure that you do often. We have many routines we perform daily with people around us and just in our daily lives. Each routine that we have with someone or a group of people is a bond that we’ve created with them. For example with my friends I am either the one saying, “next trip?”, sending funny videos or sending positive energy. When you are taken out of your routine, what do you normally do? If I was to stop sending positive energy, funny videos or asking about the next trip how do you think my friends would feel? To just immediately stop something that is associated with me amongst my friends. “Kevin stop sending positive energy, what’s going on with him?” It just messes with the flow of the world and the routine you are accustomed to. That bond we shared is gone because I decided to no longer do it. Sometimes a routine is lost because of other circumstances. You stopped dating someone or you lost someone in your life. In my case one of my routines I no longer have after my sister’s accident. 

I personally have been out of sync with a lot of things that I am use to. My sister waking me up in the middle of the night to tell me some random story. Me going out and coming home to tell my sister about a trip I took. Some elaborate plan I had for saving additional money to go on a trip. That bond we share is no longer available. I find myself crying often because I no longer have that routine I am accustomed to. I haven’t really been out as of late because personally everything is like hitting me. I would get dressed, ask her how my outfit looks and then she would scream,” looking good best friend” then I would be on my way. It’s not that I cry often with certain things it’s just like if it’s the first time going back to it and knowing I can’t talk to her about it, really hurts. Hurts everyday that the person I would go to for a lot of things is no longer around. I know some of my other family members and her friends still may not feel it. They expect her to come in the door and give them a hug or shoot them a text saying “I miss you.” Having a routine with someone close to you that is no longer available is like walking into an empty room waiting for someone to bring things in. Just forever waiting for the space to be filled. 

It will take a lot of time to get back to the person I once was. Sometimes I do ignore people only because I never want to feel like a burden. Reaching the lowest point in my life, only time can fix things. I am happy I surround myself with great people that I have created that bond with and noticed that “our” routine has hit a bump in the road. The routine you have with someone is that special bond you created with them. Never let it go and never allow others to try and fill it. It’s the special thing that you have with that individual.

"I believe certain people cross your life as guardian angels and some connections can't be explained off words alone. It's a soul thing, a feeling"