#BrunchAtHome Presented By @HoSitDown

So this week I was invited to #BrunchAtHome by @HoSitDown in New York. I think if you’ve never been to a brunch before this is a way to get your foot in the door. Brunch is a way for you to meet different people outside your circle, have great food and hit a quick little 2-step. If you are a close minded person brunch isn’t for you and you should stick to your night parties. As an adult I have become more accustomed to brunches and day parties. Have a quick turn up during the day and you’re able to get back home at a reasonable time.

Brunch is described as a combination of breakfast and lunch, which occur between the hours of 11 AM – 8 PM (varies). If you live in the New York area you have at least heard of or been to Pranna’s brunch which runs from 12 – 7 PM and you normally need to book it months in advance. The #BrunchAtHome experience was definitely on the same level as a Pranna brunch just because of the food variety and the drinks that kept flowing (in my opinion). The host made sure that your cup was never empty and that food was always available. 

I feel that if you know how to host people at home then this can be very successful, as this event was. The thing is not everyone respects your home. People hear brunch and sometimes don’t know how to act. As long as you set ground rules and invite a select number of people you can definitely have a successful event. #BrunchAtHome presented by @HoSitDown, while he was in DC, I think is something everyone should experience.   

“Brunch is always a good idea”

He’s TOO perfect… He must be GAY

“You’re Gay” is the common thing that is said to a man that dresses well, treats people right, cry’s, shows emotions, plans things out and that generally wants to be involved in people’s lives. Before you debate me or bash me read my reasoning and then provide your comment. This topic is based off my experiences in relationships I’ve been in and the female friends that ask me,” is your friend gay?”

When going through life you find yourself meeting different groups of people, with different religions, backgrounds, orientations, fetishes and lifestyles. All you can do is respect people’s decisions and move on. Without knowing someone we always seem to make the assumption about someone’s orientation because of the things they do. Even when you do know someone and the things they do, you still tend to come out of pocket ( to make an assumption) because you aren’t used to seeing them do that. When something isn’t normal for you, you tend to say that it shouldn’t be done and lump that person in with a group you dislike or do not relate to. Think about it, when it is something you aren’t accustomed to or that is out of your realm you get uncomfortable with it. Whenever I go out with my friends we dress a particular way. We care about our appearance and standing out from the crowd. We like our clothes to fit us and look presentable. On a number of occasions I’ve had women walk up to me in these settings and be like, “ya look cute, are you guys gay or something?” What does caring about your appearance have to do with being gay? You’re so used to seeing men that don’t care about their appearance that when you do see one, it confuses you and throws you for a loop. You immediately think something is wrong with him. This is all about the environment you are in that makes you come to that conclusion.

The Man with Passion

I was also told it was gay for a man to cry in front of a woman. Personally I had an experience when I did cry in front of someone and she started laughing at me and told me it was gay. This was a couple years ago so I’ve always been self-conscious about that. If you can’t cry in front of the people you trust, then who can you cry too? Can’t show tears of pain, can’t show tears of sorrow without being told, “You’re Gay.” For someone to take you out of your comfort zone and treat you better than you’ve ever been treated you assume something is wrong. This person is way too perfect, “Hey are you gay?” or “You’re doing all the right things, are you gay or something?” When you find someone who actually has a plan and knows what they want from life, what do you do? Isn’t this the person you’ve been asking for? You wanted someone that could bring something to the table or did you want someone that you have to baby? When you finally find someone who is strong minded, positive, uplifting, goal oriented and compliments you, life really just falls into place.

The Networking Man

I know one of the biggest things for me to do at my age is to network. I personally love networking and meeting new people. For some people it is extremely weird. Any event I go to I bring my business cards and leave with at least 2 or 3 new contacts that might be relevant in the future. If you’re not beneficial to my growth why entertain it? I’ve been in a number of situations that I get to a setting and just chatting it up with people. Like for a good 30-45 minutes. My philosophy is, “it’s never what you know but who you know.” So you never know in a random discussion with someone if they can benefit you in the future. In my past dealings with someone she thought it was gay when she first met me that I was just having random conversation with people at a bar. Most of them being guys. I stopped talking to her after that conversation because she didn’t understand the concept of networking. My friends can tell you, I can walk into any place and meet the coolest people you wouldn’t normally associate with. I have some of the dopest gay friends and just because I associate with them, people think I am gay. Are we too closed minded as a society to think it’s okay to associate with people who view the world differently? Networking is an essential tool in your inventory and if you don’t do it, you should look at doing it more.

Before coming out of pocket, really stop to think about what you’re about to say. Just because someone does something out of the norm or something you aren’t use to, maybe you should ask them and get a better understanding for their process? We are the product of our environment and whatever we see, we think is normal. We never think that things could be different, we just assume that all things can be like this. Instead of opening our eyes and thinking things could be different we stick to our comfort zones. Never knowing that we are damaging our own realities and the people around us with our blurred perspective of life.

"What screws us up the most in life is the thought in our head of what we are comfortable with versus what we don’t really understand” - KP

Ex-Lover Turnt Best Friend

To build off my last post something that was said by his ex was that my friend was having relations with his female best friend. A lot of time it has to deal with insecurities if it’s brought up A LOT and it may also show a lack of trust in the relationship. This was a false statement and assumptions are always made when your best friend is someone of the opposite sex. My best friend is a female and I look at her as my little sister so I definitely would never think of her in a sexual way. This got me thinking could you be best friends with someone you were intimate with in your past?

From my many group chats I asked this question and got a million different answers. I personally think you can be, as long as boundaries are set. If boundaries aren’t set then people fill they are capable of jumping right back into the fold. Wait a minute though what if you jump into a relationship and find out they had relations in the past with this so called “best friend?” Now this is a tougher one because they’ve already established a bond of friendship and that’s what you’re trying to do. The responses I received from guys and girls was extremely interesting.

Girls: That’s not his best friend anymore I am his best friend

Guys: I can no longer date her knowing that her best friend has had what I am having now.

. . .but if they had the best friend

Girls: Out of respect for my relationship I would let my best friend know what it is as far as our friendship. A lot of space will be required from him if he respects my relationship and friendship.

Guys: Boundaries would have to be set, even though I know I don’t want that old thing back, respecting the person I am with is key.

Generally I posted the most common answers but I think it is up to you as a couple to decide what you want to do. Jealousy is a hell of a drug and to let past actions ruin your future endeavors won’t let you grow as an individual. Life happens sometimes and all we can do is move forward. The real question is can an Ex-Lover really be your best friend? It’s really hard to say but just take it this way it will feel like having a 3^rd wheel in your relationship all the time. Especially if your significant other hasn’t put a “friendly” distance between the present relationship and the past relationship.

"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one"

This Tea Though . . .

So let me share a story with you guys while sipping some of this tea I have over here. I always incorporate my friend’s lives into my blog. It doesn’t always make it about me but the people around me as well. One thing about me is that I don’t like when my friends introduce me to someone that they care about and this person does them dirty. Like I am happy when you guys are together but that moment you slip up, I don’t like you. We all don’t like you no more and then I will splash coconut oil in your eyes. I am just saying it’s just a thing to do when your friend gets hurt right?

I think for a relationship to be successful you need to be able to communicate, trust each other,  be able to give each other space (when needed) and know when you are wrong. You need a balance within your relationship to keep it stable. If it isn’t balanced then everything tends to tip over and crash horribly. With one of my good friends I noticed that something for him started to become unbalance. He was losing the communication in his relationship. With all my friends I try to stay neutral and understand things from both sides but when things are visibly consistent then I believe it’s a problem.

When your significant other goes on vacation/trip you have to think, “Okay they are having fun, let me not hit them up all crazy.” Humans go on vacation for a reason, to escape. We are not allowed a lot of time to escape so when we do just allow us and give us time. We will definitely contact you as soon as we can. Communication is still key because we all get into a routine of having something being available even when it is not. If something drops out of our routine we tend to think the worse.

Back to this story, yes my friend failed to communicate that he had returned home to his significant other. So it was understandable for her to get mad. The next course of action kind of made me mad because when you’re in a relationship you should try your best to try and resolve issues before they get any bigger. Her next course of action was to ignore him and remove him from social media like that would resolve the issue. As an adult I personally would stop talking to you and move on with my life but I told him to address it. He did, they talked about it and things went back on track.

Next thing that came out of balance was the trust in my opinion.  Everyone has holiday parties and have a great time with coworkers. You see people in another element when they are drunk, it’s very amusing. When you’re crossing boundaries with coworkers and it’s recorded for everyone to see, that is a huge problem to me. Just know whenever you are out you are being recorded or your just recording yourself and looking stupid. So she had a nice dress with a cut in the middle, kindof showing boobage. She is an excessive snapper (snapchat) so she has to snap everything which is fine but you can get yourself in trouble like that. So she is snapping with a dude all up in her breast area, face first. Look like he was motor boating honestly but as a good friend had to tell him. From my understanding A LOT of other people told him as well like “are ya still together “or “do you see what’s going on?” He felt like he was being played. He talked with her about it but it came off to her that she didn’t do anything that bad and she wasn’t wrong (she deleted the snap already but it was to late). When you can’t admit that you are wrong things can’t be fixed at all. So he had to end it with her.

They are no longer together but he likes to keep it cordial because of course he knew her for awhile, met her family and knows her friends. He did hit her up on her birthday to say “Happy birthday” but got a “who this?” text message. So he kept it pushing. Today he got a text saying “I miss my bestfriend” and me being the petty friend I am told him to respond with the following “SERVICE ERROR 409: THE NUMBER YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH IS NO LONGER IN SERVICE” so she would stop bothering him. The moment you respond to someone that says “I miss you” you won’t be able to move forward with life. It’s all about moving forward and living life with no regrets. You can’t have negative energy in your life especially if that energy doesn’t even know when they are wrong.

“Sorry, Not Sorry” – Kevin Pierre