The Ugly Friend (Part 2)

I touched on this topic almost 4 years ago (Part 1) and it has to deal with personality not beauty. I feel that your outer beauty is one piece of the puzzle that defines who you are. Another piece being your personality that you give off to those people around you. I always have an open ear for my friends and whatever we talk about stays between us. Being that I am a guy I have a lot of female friends and they always love to talk. I feel like I am in a reality show sometimes but I am the one who observes, gives support and then gives advice later. Not saying I don’t have male friends but we tend to not go into detail about a lot of things. When we do we really just cut the person off and move on with life. As a guy, do we have that ugly friend? Yes we do.

One of my peoples (lets call him Chris) was dealing with a chick for a little bit (lets call her Karrueche) and they where kicking it very well. A couple months passed and it seems they where getting serious. He finally introduced her to the guys and come to find out she slept with one Chris’s friends before (lets call him Drake). Instead of her coming forward with it she kept it to herself. Even though they weren’t girlfriend/boyfriend I feel like it’s just the principal of the matter.  Say something now because if you say it later it may be worse. Come to find out she was still messing with Drake even though her and Chris where exclusive. So now she is messing with both dudes. One guy looking for an actual relationship and the other that just wants someone around for fun. Long story short Chris found out the hard way. If this isn’t the ugliest situation in life, I don’t know what is. What makes Drake the ugly friend is that him and Chris are boys. They’ve known each other for a long time. Your moral compass should have said something when you where first introduced. He still wanted to be friends afterwards, which is the crazy thing.

What makes someone an ugly person to me, especially an ugly friend is that they aren’t straightforward with you. They preach about not being stabbed in the back but they are the one holding the knife. An ugly friend is someone who doesn’t bite there tongue but tells you what exactly is going on. In a situation like this I feel that if we are “boys” just tell me now, don’t wait until I am all in my feelings and I find out from a fourth party. This makes no sense to me, as guys sometimes we can go back to being friends but for me that’s only if you tell me from the beginning. We do show our guy friends pictures of potential females, just so we make sure no one knows them. This is a little confirmation that we can continue our advancement on her but still if you saw her picture say something. If you are going to have an ugly friend that acts up like that, then are they really your friend?

“As people grow up they realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have real ones”

I Like You but I Don’t

-->

Have you ever been in a situation where you are talking to someone or making new friends and you like them but you don’t? Everything they are doing is great but something inside you really doesn’t like them. Not saying you don’t like them but saying that you like them. It’s confusing honestly. I was in a situation with this chick a couple months ago. I genuinely liked her but I felt weird about it. When I feel weird about anything or think something is up I stop whatever I am doing and analyze the situation. Reviewing a situation helps you gather more information and helps you to make an informed decision. After further review of the play I told her “I like you but I don’t so we should just be associates.” The bad thing is I couldn’t even see myself being her friend; I really felt it was pointless. I said, “We should be associates.” Why entertain friendship with someone you are not sure about?

I like all my friends, that’s why I consider them my friends. When you have an in between feeling about someone then you should just let them go. It’s either you give 100% or you give nothing at all, no in between.  Was it mean what I said? Maybe but at least I wasn’t wasting her time. All we do in this day and age is waste peoples time that we can’t give back. I apologized for wasting her time but when I am asking myself to many questions about a person then it can’t work out on any level. This applies to a lot of things though. You can like something but you really don’t. Maybe you like the company or like how something makes you feel but do you really like it?

Maybe it’s because I over think situations that they turn out the way they do but its better to be safe then sorry. You can always tell someone you like them but will anything ever come out of it? It’s always good to get your feelings out and let them be known but your feelings will never give you a clear definition of what they mean. I like you but I don’t. I like you as a person but I don’t like the random tendencies you have. I like you and your randomness but I don’t like your personality. Sometimes you just have to be you and go with how you feel. You are the only one that knows what you like and don’t like.

“Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you”

No Take Backs

I feel like when people mess up they always want a do over or to take back what they said like it never happened. People never realize that the damage is already done and nothing else can be said or done to fix it. Like if you tell someone you no longer want to be friends with them and then weeks later you say, “I was just playing though, let’s be friends” just because you miss them. People always tend to regret when they make a mistake or a rash decision. You have to remind yourself that once something is said or done the effects can be extremely damaging. The effects can be good as well, if you are the type of person that doesn’t care about the repercussions.

One of my friends was in a situation where her best friend slandered her behind her back, to a random stranger. Like I get that you need to vent sometimes, but why to someone you don’t know? Then she tried to be buddy buddy with her in person. Come to find out the person she was venting to, was a friend of her so called “best friend” and told her what was up. When she was confronted about it, she acted like it didn’t happen. Once things are said you can’t take them back. My advice is to never say things to people you really don’t know. People are all about gossip and drama. Can’t trust everyone in this world.

Another situation I’ve witnessed is when someone asks you out, girlfriend/boyfriend, don’t you assume they are ready for the responsibilities that come with the situation? I feel like that’s a huge commitment you are getting into and you should know once that happens, anything you say or do will be used in a court of law. I know people who get into relationships with the coolest people just to say,”nah I don’t think I am ready for a relationship but we can still be friends though.” Then a couple weeks later regret it and try to come back. No take backs people. Once things are said the WHOLE situation between you and them changes. You can’t say something now, let it settle in and then take it back because you were confused or it was a mistake. What’s done is done. Just saying sorry will not fix the issue or make it go back to how it use to be. I really dislike people when they think just by saying sorry will fix any situation. In this generation we break up with people in the worst ways and don’t realize we can’t take what we did back. It’s out there, too late to recall a message sent. It’s up to us to enforce this “no take back” policy. If you accept the fact that people have come back after doing something harmful to you, they will continue doing it. Nothing is ever okay and you should make them aware of that.

Words and actions can hurt. It’s what we say or do that determines how we will move forward. You are living your life in pen and can’t erase any of the mistakes you have made. 

"Words are like bullets. Once they are out, you can't control the damage they do."

Do It For The Likes

We are in the age of the “likes.” Doing things to please people we barely even know, so we can feel some type of importance. Social media sites have us just walking around liking things or putting comments on the things people share. We all share things but do we share too much? Do we do things just to please the people around us? Not saying having to many likes is bad but what are we getting out of it?

Our lives revolve around social media. We are all plugged in somewhere, viewing people’s pictures or videos. Do you think some people are taking it to far? My thing is if you are getting more then 1000 likes on something and are only doing it for the likes, please get paid from it. If you are just seeking attention, just sit down and re-evaluate your life. Since vine and instagram have been out people have been cashing in. People with intricate 6 sec – 15 sec videos for likes are becoming famous. I am just saying I’ve seen a lot of videos on instagram and vine that are extremely thought out. Good quality video and a cast of people. How long can you do it for the likes though? If this is your brand and you make money from it, great. For those others that are trying to jump on the bandwagon, I feel like you need to relax. People are doing the most on these social media sites. Just stop it and be yourself, stop searching for approval from others. When you post some hot shit on instagram and you can still see the names, how do you feel? Most people just delete it and wait till later to post something better. If you can still see the names and not numbers people get highly upset about that. I notice that a lot on my timeline, where people just delete the picture after 15 minutes of getting no likes. It really isn’t that serious. Just because you haven’t received a like on the picture doesn’t mean it hasn’t been viewed, right? People are just not feeling it at the moment and are letting you be great.

What are you trying to do for likes? Are you posting half naked pictures? Are you trying to create a funny video for people? Are you just posting your life on social media? Remember that everything you do on social media is a reflection of yourself and how people see you. No one is saying not to do it for the likes but review what you post before posting it. No one becomes famous over night and you shouldn’t search for validation from people you barely know.

“A truly strong person does not need the approval of others any more than a lion needs the approval of sheep” – Vernon Howard

Change Me

-->

You ever been in a situation where someone tries to change who you are as person? For instance if you have an addiction to gummy bears they try to make you get a new addiction just because they don’t like them? Yeah that kind of change, where they try to adjust something about you that makes you unique because they don’t like it. We have all been in those situations where we don’t really like something about someone and we wished we could change it. Why? Its human nature we want people to conform to what we want and what we like.

Some people will do that sometimes especially if its something for your career or to keep a friendship. If it means that much to you and it annoys the other person so much you will change. Why do you have to change though? Why can’t you just be you with all of your flaws, issues and addictions? Lets just say not everything is a good fit. I was talking to this chick way back when, who had a great personality. Everything about her was great but she smoked so much weed. I don’t know if I was blinded by how great she was or that she would bribe me with snacks but like massive amounts of weed daily. It was like she couldn’t live without it. I have no problems with people and what they like but when they try to force what they like on me, it definitely won’t work. That is like a super turn off. You try to change me to like what you like, I will tell you to go kick rocks. We always get asked by people, “ what would you change about me?” your response should always be “nothing.”

When you want to change something about someone and can’t accept him or her for whatever flaws they have tells you about yourself. Having someone fit your mold doesn’t always work out. We distance our self further from creative minds and those individuals who set themselves apart. Why change me? Why not let me just be me? If you don’t like something about me, you can tell me but does it mean that I will change that thing about myself? Sometimes we change for the better, other times we change for the worse. It’s up to us to determine if everything about ourselves is worth changing for someone else.

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. ~Maya Angelou

Draking and Driving (Part 2)

You ever just be in your feelings and can’t explain it? Then you realize you playing some soft ass shit and that you are deeper in your feelings then you expected. Yes you are draking. As discussed in Part 1, draking is as an emotion that overcomes every other feeling you have. It makes you do things that you know dam well you shouldn’t be doing. Like driving to your exes spot when you guys haven’t spoke in months or trying to facebook stalk that girl that gave you some of her fruit snacks in middle school. This is really an epidemic that is growing.

Have you ever listened to Sam Smith’s album straight through? Like his songs are amazing and literally will have you draking. Everyone should know his song “Stay With Me” . . .that song is just the definition of someone’s life at a particular moment. You ever just want to text lyrics to someone just to tell them how you feel or just tell them to pay attention to you? That is Sam Smith’s life to me, with all of his songs. He talks about potentials and people who he wants but that don’t really notice him.  Other people just letting him down or just wanting someone to leave the person they are with for him or just him not being the only one in someone’s life. Like I seriously be draking and driving to Sam Smith. No fucks given at all, windows rolled down and singing my lungs out. Then you look at your phone for those couple people so you can call them and just sing off key or just send them a bunch of emoji’s.

Every one has a draking moment and there is really nothing you can do about it. You just got to go with the flow and throw your phone at the wall. This will prevent you from texting/calling any unnecessary people.  You can be draking to a lot of different artist but Drake will still get you to that level of going hard as shit, then bring you back to your feelings and remind you of some person who held your hand for 5 minutes back in high school. When you start having that draking feeling, just put your phone to the side and stop yourself.

Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand
But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man
These nights never seem to go to plan
I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?
~Sam Smith - Stay With Me

Take One For The Team

So you are out with your crew and you are all having a great time. Then another group pops up of the opposite gender and you both have about the same number of people in the crew. They looking good, you guys are looking good, so the team makes a move. Everyone picks up on somebody but then you realize the one you got isn’t as pleasing to look at as the other ones. So what do you do? Take one for the team or quickly step away? You know if you step away the team might lose but if you take one for the team you might lose. What do you do?

We have all been in those situations where we literally had to “take one for the team” and it wasn’t the best thing ever. A situation I was put into is when I was with my boys in Miami, having a wonderful time. We was on the beach, had the music bumping, everyone trying to be around us. Three girls walked up on us and my boys pounced like lions trying to find they mate. I was left with the friend they just wanted to bring along. You know how I know she was the friend they really didn’t care about? It’s because she was wearing a 2 piece with a huge c-section scar and had the worst edges I have ever seen in my life. I had to make a life changing decision on if I would “take one for the team” or walk away from this situation. I raised my hands up, said “nope” and walked away. I would not be a victim of this “take one for the team” situation in Miami of all places. I am not the best looking dude in the world but I am acceptable to look at. Sadly she was not and I would not force myself to just sit there and entertain her. I used my “pass” for the year and I was fine with that.

What is the “pass” you ask . . . well it’s something me and a couple of my friends do. We are allowed only 1 pass for the year. Meaning if there are a group of girls and we don’t want to kick it to the one friend we just say “pass” and walk away. Not the best system but it works for us. If you have an understanding with your friends then you guys would have created a system that fits you when you need to be saved or you just want to walk away from a situation. Don’t act like you don’t. I’ve saved a couple of my female friends from dudes who were harassing them. They gave me that one look and I’d smooth walk over, grab her hand and walk off with her while the dude was looking. 

Remember to set some guidelines when it comes to “taking one for the team” because if this isn’t set then we all losing. Sometimes people don’t like being put in these situations but all you can do is live and learn.