Just Talking Versus Getting To Know Someone Is There a Difference?

HEY HEY HEY!!! Here we go again!! Something for you guys to think about when meeting new people. When I meet new people and there really feeling me blah blah blah and I am feeling the same way they immediately start off in the “Getting to know them” category. You can say you are “talking to them” but you have to understand “talking” versus “getting to know” is understood DIFFERENTLY by a lot of people.

Some people assume that if you are “talking” to someone that you are trying to get with them, sometimes that may be the case but others times it’s not. Others think as “talking” as “getting to know” someone and there at the beginning stages of a friendship.

For Example: If one of my friends asked me “Hey Kevin how are you and Kelly doing?” “We are good, we are just talking.” How would you take this statement?
A) Talking

B) Getting to know
Next example, “Hey Kevin how are you and Kelly doing?” “We are good, just getting to know her”
A) Talking

B) Getting to know

Just think about the word and think about how it’s being used, it could be any answer if you want it to be but you have to understand PEOPLE understand the phrases differently. Talking could mean trying to get with, getting to know or whatever you want it to be, so can getting to know. THINK ABOUT IT!!! Is there really a difference to talking and getting to know someone?

Jamel V.
The age old battle of relationships continues, this time taking a perspective on how people actually get to know each other.

What is the difference between talking and getting to know somebody? Is it one in the same or two completely different animals that spawn different results?

I recently dated a girl that had an issue with the way I was talking to her. I wasn't disrespectful or condescending to her in any way, but she was mad because I wasn't talking to her in a way to become her boyfriend.

I immediately grabbed two fish and five loaves and spent a long time figuring out what she meant when she said that. Ironically, this was the first girl that I had really been opening up to, and we ran the gauntlet on everything, which is something I don't normally do. I guess as much as I was TALKING to her, I was GETTING TO KNOW HER more than anything else. Go figure.

I've come to determine that talking and getting to know somebody are one in the same. There really isn't a difference, except having a mutual understanding of the possibility of something serious happening. This is truly where people begin to lack.

Without talking, you can't get to know somebody. I guess talking is more extreme than getting to know somebody because it involves more actions of a physical nature, and that doesn't include sex, necessarily.

I guess the other main difference has to do with the spark. You have to have attraction, desire, and all that other stuff to develop the talking and getting to know someone.

Christy
They are two completely different things so don't get it twisted! First and foremost, getting to know someone is what it is. It’s the beginning stage... That's when you ask the other person all these little questions like, "What's your favorite color?" or "Where you from?" the small questions to try and get to know them. This is when you are figuring out if you actually want to 'talk' to this person or not. It’s also how they approach you, well in my point of view, I look to see how often he texts me, if he calls me and how interested he seems to be when he does hit me up. It looks so analyzed but that’s how I break it down and decide if I actually want to talk to the person. So if they sound too thirsty, then I don't choose to move on any further but if you somewhat thirsty but somewhat quenched then you're in good standings with me. This is when I usually decide to talk to the dude. Now explaining this getting to know someone and talking is somewhat blurred but you usually can tell when you are 'talking' to someone. Because talking is more when you already know the small details about them, you talk via text/phone on a daily basis and ya'll are already hanging out. But don't get it twisted, if your 'hanging out' is messing around theennn ya'll are NOT talking, ya'll are just friends with benefits, or just plain fuck buddies but that’s a whole other topic! So all in all, getting to know someone is when you are feeling them out to see if they are interesting enough to 'talk' to. It usually leads into talking but people just never notice. So both ARE different things!

The Claim Game

~Kevin P.

We all have been victims of this at one point or another so we all have a sense of what the claim game is. We play it when we don’t even know we are playing it, the claim game in a sense can either be good or bad. Good in the sense that people know who this person is to you or bad in the sense that people claim you with the wrong title that you really don’t want. People maybe should ask before claiming or make the other person aware that there about to be claimed. Do something that doesn’t make you look stupid and hurt in the process.

When it comes to relationships and getting to know people, we like to claim those people. “Yeah you are wifey I am feeling you” or “Yeah that’s my hubby we chill heavy.” I think as human beings we just naturally do that when we talking or getting to know someone and we feel comfortable with them. Sometimes we lead people on to think that it’s okay for them to give us titles when inside we are just like “WTF?! We just met fall back’” or “Please don’t call me that.” Tell them how you feel so they get the message. You have to set the ground rules in the beginning but if your okay with them calling you the names boo, wifey, hubby, baby etc. do you just be warned it has repercussions if you don’t actually intend to get with them. The “Claim Game” is basically giving someone a TITLE and hoping they act accordingly to the title that was given to them. Next time someone “Claims” you ask yourself “What have I done to allow them to give me a title and think that I am “CLAIMABLE?”

Jamel V. will explain in more detail for those who still don’t understand but this goes BOTH WAYS for male and female.

~Jamal V.

To piggyback on what Kevin began in his last blog, the claim game is a constant fixture in relationships today. Unfortunately, the boundaries of claiming somebody are bleak, uncertain, and can come with a load of mixed feelings and emotional casualties.

The claim game starts as simple as two people who hang out, vibe well, and mesh with each other. You can even say they're equally yoked. More time is being spent together without the "official" title being put on, and serves as a partial test drive of what's to come.

There are several problems that can come out of the claim game:

1. Feelings are not balanced and can result in being led on to think something more than what is there.

2. A level of comfort develops, which leads to stagnicity in the relationship, therefore not allowing things to develop further and more maturely.

3. A level of co-dependency develops, which far exceeds the dependent nature of a normal relationship.

These are just the first few problems that come to mind when the infamous and dreaded "claim game" is played.

Unfortunately, I have been a victim of the 3 classic examples listed above. I've been lied to about how they feel about me, a level of comfort has been developed, and the women have developed more of a co-dependent relationship with me than I'm sure of anybody in their immediate past. Based on the women of MY past, I question how independent women truly "claim" to be.

In closing, don't be so quick to claim, then point fingers on who to blame, because you'll end up being lame, and from square 1 be the same.

My Random Thoughts Part#1

My thoughts tend to lead me to random thinking sometimes but have you ever sat down and thought to yourself “What if we didn’t have social networking websites?” or “Why don’t people take the opportunity to go out a vote?” or “Why is this person claiming me and we don’t even talk or go out?” or “Why is this person only talking to me now, but every other time ignores me?” We all have sat or stood in the presence of people who have done these things and we look at it so dumbfounded as to “Why in the Hell are people so stupid nowadays?”

At one time in life we all didn’t have Internet or these super networking sites, we use to go out to mixers, parties, events and meet people. This is a way to build communication and speaking skills for some, for those who are shy, like me, to learn how to open up to those around them. Not saying we can’t still do that but it has somewhat been hindered by the emergence of the social networking sites. We wake up each morning to check if we have an update, if some commented on our status or we look to see who is doing what this early in the morning. We spend countless upon countless hours on social networking sites but what if . . . there were no social networking sites? Just think about it, “WHAT IF . . . THERE WERE NO SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES?” What would you be doing with your extra time? I am a heavy facebook user and during the summer I took about a 3-4 week hiatus from facebook just to see how it would feel. I didn’t check my phone, I didn’t check my email for facebook alerts and whenever someone brought up facebook my typical answer would be “I am not on there at the moment.” I had so much extra time in the day I really didn’t know what to do with myself especially after I finished my homework. So I would just sit and read and get ahead of my class in projects and homework assignments. Now that I am using it again I am not an addict like most people, and to see how society is so connected with facebook and twiiter, I believe people will freak out if they didn’t have their facebook or twitters to go to. We have made it a part of living, just like brushing our teeth, washing our cloths, eating food it’s a part of our makeup now and to get rid of it would damage some and make others go crazy. . . .just saying.

The sad thing about people not voting is that it hurts the whole country and it hurts us as individuals. Most people say they hate our government, they hate the people that are running stuff, they hate certain things not being passed . . .well “DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!” You have the ability to vote but you don’t even make an attempt too. Your excuse can’t be that you didn’t know you had to vote or that you just weren’t sure what to vote on, you just didn’t CARE. This is a chance to get your voice heard and you don’t take this opportunity? Where they do that at?? (The United States) Think about it this way, voting is a PRIVILEGE and not everyone around the world can vote so be happy that your government is allowing you to vote because they could become a dictatorship and not allow you to just an FYI.

You know you have been in those situations when you are getting to know someone and you guys hang out nothing serious happens you guys have a good time and one of your people hit you up “Hey you go out with so and so?” That’s the thing you usually hate to hear especially if you are not even talking to the person on some serious stuff. This is what we call the “claim game” and some people take this serious and others don’t but this is another topic in itself. Recently one of my friends got into one of these situations where he went to chill with his new friend, they got where having fun they kissed one time and next thing you know her telling people that they go out. How does something happen like this you say? Well leading people on is the way the “claim game” works so word of advice to lead people on!!