The MiddleWOMAN (Written by Munchy)

Show me the HOEfax
I've been in many situations where I played the role of the middlewoman. When I go out to parties, clubs, cookouts, and gatherings, my male friends usually ask, “who’s that girl? Tell me what you know about her". Me: (points to girl#1) she's taken, (girl#2) she's not into guys, (girl#3) she has a great personality. I give them the basics before showing them the HOEfax. Yes! I said HOEfax! The HOEfax is a brief description of the girl about whom & what she has done. In other words is she a bitty, jump, slut, etc. After giving them the low down, I let them decide if they want to get to know her or not.

Introduction
If he find’s my friend attractive I always introduce him to her. "Hey Emily, this is my friend Kevin". After that I instantly step away and pretend to look important (Twiddles thumbs and makes believe that I am texting someone). A middlewoman is not a COCKBLOCKER. Once the conversation begins, it's not cool to "check-in" on a friend to see how things are. Fade away into the crowd until they return.

Me: So what did think of her?

Kevin: "She was cool, we exchanged numbers".

The Follow-up
After a week or so it's okay to ask about the new friendship.

Me: "How are you and Emily hitting it off?"

Kevin: "We're going out to dinner Saturday."

There is nothing wrong with asking this question, and even in some cases "Emily" will come around to get the scoop about "Kevin" before agreeing to go out on a date with him. Being the middlewoman is very simple, if you play your role correctly, you will be drama-free. At some point, you began to know what kind of a girl your guy friends are interested in and go straight for the introduction. "Hey Tiffany, I'd like you to meet my friend Kevin".

The MiddleMan: A Male's Perspective

The MiddleMan . . . . we have all heard this term or have been one in some sense when going about our daily routine. The MiddleMan refers to many different things but most commonly for relationships, hooking people up or friends fighting. You know you always have someone be the mediator for one of your endeavors whether it be trying to hook you up with a friend, fixing a friendship or even a relationship. You don’t necessarily need a MiddleMan but no matter what someone will be considered a MiddleMan.

When you trying to get with someone you always got that middle person to try and direct the other person towards your direction. This is sometimes how the conversations turn out.

Dude1: Hey yo you know that chick

MiddleMan: Yeah man I went to school with her she mad cool why?

Dude1: Yo put me on she mad cute

MiddleMan: Ight I got you

MiddleMan: Hey Girl1 I wanta introduce yo to my people, Dude1

Girl1: Hey

This is when MiddleMan slowly drifts away and let them talk and blah blah blah for the next however long they want to talk for, while MiddleMan stands awkwardly to the side either texting or finding someone to talk to.

(One week into talking)

Dude1: Yo does she talk about me son? Send her a text and find out if she likes me

MiddleMan: Ight

MiddleMan: Yeah man you got her feeling some type of way

Dude1: Word!

MiddleMan sometimes is the person you can rely on in situations like this because you know they got you for anything. Same example would work for your female friend if she was your so called “MiddleMan” and you wanted her to hook you up with her friend she definitely holds you down with that, that’s if she is a dope ass female friend. For guys make sure that you have a FEMALE as a MiddleMan because they are the best in the WORLD!! They tell you everything and literally soften the chick up to like you more. Not saying that your boys ain't good but a female MiddleMan is the best because they always want to see you happy, especially if they think your a good person.

Another example of being the MiddleMan is when your friends are beefing and they pretty much want you to pick a side, be the messenger for the whole conflict or help resolve it. This is when it really really sucks to be the MiddleMan because you really don’t want to be involved, but you just want the conflict to end. You just want things to go back to the way they where, so we all can just be friends again. You get those messages like “Tell your friend they need to come get there stuff out of my room for I just throw it out the window” or “You should tell “THAT” person they should be apologizing to me for being so dam phony.” Friendship arguments are usually petty as is but those are the type of things you really don’t want to be a part of but it happens that way a lot because your friends with both people. You get dragged into everything no matter what.

Being the MiddleMan for relationship problem sucks SOOOO BADLY especially if these two people you thought had a decent relationship. You see sides of people you don’t really want to see and look at them differently. Sometimes it makes you just want to make sure your able to fix it because one person is talking in your ear about missing the other, loosing focus from life and just wanting to make everything right. While the other person is pretty much kind of doing the same thing, so you sit there trying not to get involved but there already spilling their guts out to you so that makes you immediately involved. In these types of situations you got to have a lot of trust in the person you have as your MiddleMan because you hope whatever they are saying isn’t going to the wrong people. For example if one of my peoples is asking me for advice and telling me they miss someone, you’re not supposed to rely that information to someone outside the circle. Someone who has no clue what’s going on with their relationship should not be involved, then this is when rumors and bullshit spread. We all know how rumors go, when they get back to you there all twisted and completely wrong. So this refers to my other topic “It isn’t what your HEARD it’s what you KNOW!!” get your facts straight.

I think to be a MiddleMan for a relationship and actually make it positive and work out is the best feeling ever because it feels like you just won and are unbeatable. If you lose its like dam, “FUCK” I tried my hardest I’m sorry I apologize a million times over and then you kind of feel slumped because you had an obligation to help and you failed. So it’s a win or lose situation.

**Disclaimer** No more than 1 MiddleMan at a time, 2 opinions is not always better than one DEPENDING on the situation (especially when it comes down to your relationship). Opinions always vary on certain things. OPEN YOUR EARS AND LISTEN, MiddleMan isn’t there to babysit you and hold your hands through the whole process so make sure if they tell you to stop being stubborn and man-up (or woman-up) just do it.


**The MiddleMan: A Female's Perspective coming out soon written by one of my female friends =)

Anti-Social Status

Another day, another day, another day!! As we go about each day interacting with people, making new friends and establishing ourselves in the world sometimes we come to realize that there are journey’s in our life we must take. A journey in the sense of establishing who “WE” are as a person after many years of being told what to do by our parents, friends, mentors and random individuals or a journey in the sense of finding/creating who we are as a person. These people trying to mold us into something that we haven’t prepared fully or ventured enough into the UNKNOWN to discovery for ourselves. People who push us to do things we rather not do until we feel that we are at the point, that we have accomplished enough to get to that point. This is where you just want to take a step back from these people and say to yourself “I NEED TO FIND ME!!!” you can’t let anyone find you or create you. This is where the Anti-Social Status kicks in.

As most of my” friends” have noticed for awhile I have been doing my own thing, school, work and that’s pretty much it. People will hit me up like “Kevin you still alive?” or “Why you don’t hit me up anymore?” or “Why you so distant from everyone?”I feel I’ve reached that age where I have to take “MY JOURNEY” and re-evaluate who I interact with and what social groups I affiliate myself with. We all have those people who are cool with you one minute and the next minute they act like they don’t know you, and then come right back when they need something. (I DISPISE THESE PEOPLE LOL) Sometimes you just have to take a stand, no matter if you’re a active person such as myself always wanting to meet people, go out and do this and that, you have to fall back and say to yourself, “WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?”, “WHAT DO THEY MEAN TO ME?” Then you will realize not everyone is on your side as you may think. The plus about this “Anti-Social Status” is that you eliminate those who are I-R-R-E-V-E-L-A-N-T from view, which damages your growth and who just want to use you.

People will take notice if a person who is normally everywhere just stops showing up and being involved, “Where is SO and SO at? Their normally at these type of things?” After a couple times people will be like “OKAY something is wrong somebody find out”, these are the people that are REAL and that actually care about your well being, others are just like oh well there missing out and keep it moving. These are kind of the people you want in your life, who actually are there and support you through whatever you are going through. You learn from your experience of disconnecting from the world and from those who don’t matter. I’ve learned a lot I believe, you can’t actually FIND yourself you have to CREATE yourself and push yourself to do the things you want to do. You only live once, so why not live and let live?

It’s a continuous process and I believe that only you can establish who you are as a person. There are those who I continue to stay in contact with through my “Anti-Social Status” because they give me a REASON too. They are there for the crazy talks, discussions, finding out if I’m still alive, wishing me the best with school, life and keep pushing me to be ME (KEVIN PIERRE)!! Love you guys.

Shoutouts to Nandy, Randy, Ketsy, Rich, Jay “MOFO” Hicks, Bryan, Dalmar, B. Pittman, Vic, Alfred, Alison, Quail ,Lena, Allyson, Marie H, Nikki, Tara F. , Munchy! And to the many others who will remain nameless because I know they prob don’t like to be shouted out hahaha

Are There Any Scary Movies Anymore??

As I was watching Nightmare on Elm Street again, the 2010 release, I was just sitting there smirking and anticipating everything that was going to happen. I just sat there and wondered when did Freddy not get scary anymore, is it when I actually grew up and realized he wasn’t real? Or is it when they just made him into a joke when he was fighting Jason? I watched the 1984 version and YES I did cover my eyes a couple times because 1984 Freddy I will not go to sleep because he attacks in your dreams but 2010 Freddy I think he is a joke (obviously I wouldn’t think he was a joke if he popped up in my dreams.) 1,2.Freddy's Coming for You!3,4,Better Lock Your Door!5,6.Grab Your Crucifix!7,8.Better Stay Up Late!Nine,Ten.Never.Sleep Again!

Child’s Play just made me hate dolls, I hated any type of dolls because I would think they would just wake up, start talking and want to kill me. Chucky had to be the definition of a killer child’s toy back in the day. Then they came out with the Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky that really made him less of a scary doll and a joke.

Candyman was really a scary character, say his name 3 times in the mirror and he would come and kill you. It got to the point me and my friends would always dare each other to say it when we were younger see who wasn’t a punk but of course none of us would say it. Then there were the sequels then we stopped being scared and I will gladly say his name 3 times in the mirror before I get scared.

As you can see a lot of the old school scary guys are not scary anymore because they had horrible sequels that made them into jokes. Jason, Michael Myers, Dude from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre . . . I will out run them all (As we all know this is impossible the faster you run the quicker they catch you so you might as well walk at their pace). “IT” that stupid clown I hated with a passion, it made me hate clowns for awhile.

The movies I’ve failed to mention are The Exorcist, The Omen , Some Zombie movies because I feel as though these type of movies I will watch and I will still jump out of my seat, it’s got to be a world ending thing now for everyone to be scared of. 28 days later & 28 weeks later changed up the whole scary movie thing . . . . zombie’s can run now?? Who made this rule up? Who allowed you to change the rule book? This change your perspective on how things change when one director adds something new to something that has been slow moving since “Night of the Living Dead” (1968)

Are there really any scary movies anymore?? YES AND NO because something that might scare you might not scare someone else

It isn’t what you HEARD it is what you KNOW!!

So we all have been the victims of “I heard” ,“So John Doe did this from what I heard” ,”I don’t know, but I heard” so we normally believe whatever we hear just because we know the person who is telling us is usually a credible source. Do we actually do our research though? Think about it, is what you hear actually what the person that told you heard? Think of it as a game of telephone, you have a row of 10 people and the first person starts a message that has to get to the last person. By the time it gets to the last person it isn’t even that close to what the first person told the second person. This is poor listening skills and people adding their own little twists in the stories or what they supposedly “HEARD.” You have to think about the title again “It isn’t what you HEARD it is what you KNOW” and continue telling yourself that.

I have been put in a couple situations where people are just like, “Kevin I heard that person isn’t good, they always talking about someone behind their back. I heard that they are rude and disrespectful.” Personally, I use to go off of what people “HEARD” but I grew up and made my own decisions. I actually got to know the person and come to find out they didn’t do any of what that person said. They where goal oriented had their life on track and didn’t care about things that were being said. To me you have to come up with the decision on your own, you can’t just go with what people said and decide okay “So and so heard this about that person or group of people I’m just going to listen to them.”

This also applies to groups of people as well, “I heard all you Haitians and Africans are the same, dirty, color blind and straight off the boat.” Before I smack the mess out of you get your facts straight, KNOW what you are talking about before opening your mouth. You can’t generalize on a group of people just because of what you HEARD, hearing one thing and knowing another are two different things in itself.

KNOWing is the key to getting around in the world, actually KNOWing something makes you a smarter individual. If you don’t know, don’t say anything about it pretty much MYOB (one of my previous topics). Jumping to conclusions can sometimes make things go sideways especially if you don’t know exactly what’s up. Next time though, when someone says’s “Oh I heard this about such and such” and don’t actually KNOW what they heard get your OWN facts, be your OWN person and make your OWN decisions

Disclaimer: “I heard” can be something else as well so don’t think I only know of one, there are many. For example, I was at a party and I heard Bob and Sam arguing and trading blows in the next rooms. Someone comes up to me and ask me what happen “Well I heard them arguing about blah blah blah” get it? For the stupid people who can’t read between the lines you’re shit out of luck